A Glimpse of My Dreams

I am weightless, nothing can bring me down.

What is a frown?

When I’m here I’m happy.

I am who I really am supposed to be.

I sit on the clouds.

Lounging, with my hound.

Where am I bound?

Why, that all depends.

I enjoy to travel, so of course I grab my friends.

I sit late night, and I write.

I speak of a fight, that most will see as a fright.

I want to eliminate industrialization.

I want to create a more healthy population.

There’s chemicals in everything even our food.

How could our leaders be so crude? They own  multiple 5,000 dollar suits while others sit in the nude.

We are ran by greed, I dream of what the people need.

I dream of simpler times.

I dream of recreating the world.

I dream of destroying social classes.

I long to see people the same when I remove my glasses.

Maybe one day someone louder then me will see my dream.

They’ll spread it, and we’ll  see the World gleam.

This is what I dream.

R.I.P. Spring Break

Wake up!

I see the sun rise

Glittering off the sand

There are no worries in this land

I see a girl

She isn’t with a man

She reminds me of the water

Flawless outside, cold inside

I’m still gonna try an slide

Wake up!

The sun is bright

It’s noon and eighty five

Our conversation begins to thrive

I have her laughing

I never want to leave here

Everyone is filled with cheer

Wake up!

My eyes begin to flutter

Please just five minutes longer

My eyes are watering

The sun is rising

I see my room

It’s a depressing tomb

To see I’m not in Florida anymore.

Blank.

We stare at each other from across the room

If I take you it’ll dismiss the doom

I have found ever since I emerged from the womb

I want you to lay me in my tomb

I wait eagerly, like a groom

I’m just ready to zoom.

To another planet

I can hardly stand it

I feel like I’m waiting in traffic

I just want to feel it

And start hoping like a rabbit.

I respectably wait

Like a youngster, on his first date

I feel this isn’t my fate.

An hour goes by

I begin to fly

I see my life pass me by

All in chase of a high

Am I going to die?

I hope I die

Why?

Because my life is a lie.

I’m stuck in a hole

I peep my head out like a mole

This isn’t my goal

There’s so much I wanna do, before I get old.

No one speaks up

I wake up, to throw up

How do I consider myself an adult?

When my life comes to this.

I hate how you act so innocent

You’re the one who destroyed what we had

You make it seem like I did you bad

I don’t know why I find myself still crying about you

When all you do is go out and drink

While I sit and bash my head into a sink

You did good though

Sometimes I stop and think

This happened as fast as a blink

But I’m happy you’re gone

Because I think I have won

Morally I feel great

I know you can’t say you feel the same

Without your heart skipping a beat

Believe me I’ll get over the fact

That you treated me like a piece of meat

But I have made a pact

That I will not act on my feelings

Until they’re aimed towards someone else

All I have is myself

I lack the ability to trust

She smiles

I return with one

I feel as if I’m already trapped

Luckily being in denial isn’t the case

Because I know she’s unfaithful

Instead I’m grabbing her waist

The whiskey starts talking

My mind keeps telling me to start walking

I don’t listen

Instead I’m captive in her prison

We take another drink

I look, she throws me a wink

Now I know you’re temporary

I still want to see what we have in store

This will be a tragic story

Curiosity killed the cat

But I thrive to learn

It was perfect in the moment

But now we crash and burn.

Blank.

I had a feeling something big was going to happen. It was two days after my 17th birthday I was still feeling on top of the world. But I couldn’t tell if this feeling was good or not. It was simply weird I don’t know what it was I kinda just brushed it off and started my day. At this point of my life I wasn’t you’re idea of a perfect kid. I rarely went to school I would sit around all day searching for something I didn’t even know what it was, and was on pre-trial for just being a stupid ignorant kid. Everything seemed normal so far the feeling I had in my stomach felt similar to way it feels when I have an anxiety attack, except there wasn’t any anxiety. I hadn’t fully felt this before other then freaking out. I still ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes and started my car and went to school. It was September 25th I remember this date perfectly ironically enough the 26th is my anniversary of sobriety from drugs. So I went to school everything was still normal I had this feeling all day but couldn’t make any connection. First I went to English, then study skills, I found myself in art next, then gym. Still everything was normal I went did work went to the next class, I went to the weight room for gym and continued working on a flower I was painting in art. I ordered Jets pizza with my buddy JP and Scott when I was at legacy full time it was either Jets or Jimmy Johns, I’d rather eat prison food then Legacy’s lunches. Anyway the day was over I went to hangout with my girlfriend of the time I picked her up and we went to my house. At this point I thought I was either just crazy for focusing on this feeling in my stomach all day either that or I thought I made be getting sick. Anyways we ended up passing out she woke me up at one in the morning asking me to take her home because she didn’t have any of her necessities for school the following day. I woke up still with the feeling I ate a tums and took her. I told her I had to get a buzz going before I took her so I drove a lap around my neighborhood once or twice indulging in the practice of hitting the peace pipe. After i drove her and on my way back I was barely functioning between it being one thirty in the morning and my bright idea before we left. I got pulled over two miles from my house. The police officer asked if I had anything illegal on my person I replied “No sir.” which both of us knew was a lie. The first place he looked he found everything he needed to find, keep in mind I freshly turned 17 and was also on pre-trial at the time. I was given the royal treatment, just turned 17 which means I could be tried as an adult so instead of being locked up with kids my age I was with 25 year old men and older, truly great experience. Anyways it’s not that I was scared of the people in there I had been hanging out with those types of people for sometime at this point. I was mainly concerned on a few things first I thought they were going to forget about me sitting in there. Second all I could think about was my mother she was at home sleeping thinking I was in my room she had no idea what had happened. The part of this that really bothers me is she’s still more screwed up about it then me. Every night I get asked where I am and if I’m staying and constantly asked what I’m doing even after a year of sobriety. I don’t blame her at all, I actually really like that because before this incident she didn’t care she was barely a parent to me. But in her defense I didn’t want a parent I wanted to do what I want when I wanted, I tried to act like a 25 year old man at 16. After for sitting for three hours I finally got booked in the normal routine, finger print, mugshot, and set up my phone call. I sat in my cell for an hour pacing wondering if I should even call my mom, eventually I did. Honestly I have never experienced a worse feeling then that. Not many people my age understand the embarrassment of calling your mom the women who looks at you as her innocent baby from jail. I honestly wish they would’ve killed me instead of me making that call. I kept it short telling her the was a box of money under my bed I told her to pull five hundred out and I’ll explain later. Between how scared I was not only for the ass whooping I was going to receive after I posted bail, but just being in a cell with five tatted up Mexicans who could beat the hell out of you with one arm blind folded. Shortly after a new guy was added to my cell his name was Drew Hannibal. I remember him perfectly he was high off of perscription medicine and got picked up for having a warrant. I finally knew why I had that feeling in my stomach all day and I should’ve payed more attention to it. Anyway I started talking to Drew, all of our cell mates were asleep when I got in so I had no one to talk to. He could tell I was scared i asked why he wasn’t he said he had been here before. I realized with all of the things you can adjust from I didn’t want to adjust to going to jail. I ended my criminal life and my night with handcuffs clinched around my wrist trapped in a box like a zoo animal.

Six Word Story

thesilentmuffin

The head and the heart disagree.

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Six Word Story

And then she left. For good.

On my mind.

Over the summer I was sitting with a few friends in my garage up to some foolery and I sat there and thought to myself for a minute. When I was younger living in the city I had one of my longest term friends even though we don’t speak or hangout as much as I’d like to anymore I’d still do anything for the kid but that’s past the point. He had two older brothers Dominic and Vince, they and their group of friends it consisted of about ten of them. They were always up to no good. Anything from breaking into old gas stations to record them skateboarding to drugs. Joey my good friend, my buddy Garrett, and myself all loved skateboarding at the time and we always looked up to them because they were all really good at it and we thought they were the coolest kids on Earth. My mom always warned us when we’re at Joeys not to hangout with them or really even talked to them. They were the kids parents would always warn their kids not to hangout with them because they were always up to no good or getting in trouble with the police. Just a few years ago from present time I recall my mom handing me a news paper and first asked if I recalled the person who’s mug shot was at the top of the page of the article. I looked and it was a kid from right down the street who hung out with my buddies brother his name was Marshall. I asked if it was him and she said yes and told me to read the article. So I began to read it took me about five minutes to finish reading it. To make a long story short he was doing a drug deal at 3 AM and it got ugly for whatever reason and he ended up killing the guy with his car while Joey’s brother Dominic was in the car. Dom went down for an accomplice and Marshall is doing life currently, he was 20 years old he was sentenced. It’s crazy how these kids didn’t know we looked up to them so much. Maybe if they knew they wouldn’t have acted so stupid. Then again I didn’t think anybody looked up to me while I was out there screwing up. Until I found my little brother stealing my old cigarette butts. He’s in 8th grade the same age as me when I did the same thing and fucked up the next four years of my life. I pulled him aside one day when I caught him in the act and told him he has one chance not to do it again, one freebie before I went to our mom. After an hour long talk with him about how I messed up my life I have not seen him try to pick up a cigarette butt again. It’s just insane how you think what you do only will impact yourself and don’t even think if a little kid sees you they’re going to think it’s cool. But back to the point as I was looking back I thought of all of this, then myself. I got involved with drugs at an early age like them, had prior experiences with police and probation just like they all did. I sat and thought to myself I became the kid that parents warn their kids to hangout. There is no worse feeling in the world then realizing that that’s how people and their parents look at you. Since that little epiphany I personally think I’ve done a really good job in changing a lot of peoples views on me. That is the most rewarding feeling I’ve felt.

Now and then

I remember years ago when everything was much more simple. I’d wake up my mom would throw a Power Rangers shirt on me then I’d have a bowl of cereal and she’d walk me to school. Without a care in the world I would walk staring up at my mom with the biggest smile holding her hand, saying hello to anybody who walked by. Take me back to the days when I didn’t have one worry at all. At recess we’d chase the pretty girls and if they thought you were cute they’d chase you back, not having to worry about getting a text back. I’d sit after school perfectly content alone with my army figures playing in my sandbox, now I struggle to keep my gas tank over a quarter tank so I can go out on Friday to have “fun”. I’d sit for hours watching Rocket Power, or Spongebob with my family, now I can’t spend more then an hour with my family when they used to be the only friends I needed. I use to walk to every destination I had in mind and I could do it all day rain, snow, or sun. Now I walk twenty feet to hop in my car no matter how nice it is outside. My parents would look at me and tell me how much potential I have, I’d hear it from every adult at that point in my life actually. Then I grew up and it got to the point where my mom would ask me if I’m going to school today. Take me back to the simple times when everything came easy.